Queenie Goes to Weight Watchers

OK, determined to heed my doctor’s advice, I decided to give Weight Watchers a try. Initially I wanted to try this rapid weight loss program I heard about on the radio where you get vitamin B-12 shots and take a boatload of pills for the low, low price of $199 but the MD shot it down like Dennis Haysbert’s character got shot full of holes in Heat.  

I had my misgivings about WW. First of all, it costs money. It’s $12/wk but if you get the monthly pass (which allows you to use the online tools and go to meetings in person) it costs $39/month. In my honey bun starved mind, I’m thinking that for $40/mo I better lose a lot of weight.

Secondly, I just had this feeling that people are going to be sitting around talking about how threatened they feel by sheet cake at the office or by Girl Scout Cookies that their niece is selling so that she can go to camp this summer. I’m starving for a bag of cool ranch Doritos so I’m thinking: If you don’t want the cake or the cookies, dammit don’t have any! But fat lot of good that’s done for me because now I really need to lose half of my weight.

So I purchase the monthly pass and use the find a meeting function and decide that I’ll go to a meeting to get a feel for WW.

Something about this gives me an odd feeling.

On Thursday, it was raining cats and dogs outside. It took me forever to drive the 5 miles to the meeting spot. Starbucks, a good Dennis movie, and my comfy comfy bed were calling me, telling me I’d be in good hands if I turned around and went home. But visions of my untimely death and Hubby remarried to Angela Bassett and having her raise The Big Phony Baby and The Teenager cause me to press my way down San Jose Boulevard.

I finally get there and that odd feeling I mentioned previously? Yeah, about that. Turns out that the WW meeting place is in a strip mall surrounded by the following:

• a steakhouse
• a sub sandwich shop
• a chocolatier
• a bistro that serves really good coffee and pastries
• a sushi bar

I put my head down on the steering wheel and briefly wonder why am I being punished this way. I suck it up and get out of the car and go in.

When you come to WW you get weighed in. My weight: 258. Somehow between my doctor telling me to change my eating habits and missing the Jumbo Hostess Honey Bun, I’ve lost 2 pounds! So that’s 2 pounds down and 128 to go. Feeling happy with myself and proud that I ignored Dennis’ voice seductively asking me to spend time with him watching Far From Heaven, I sit down.

The happiness was short lived. Within 5 minutes of getting weighed in and taking my seat in the meeting, I am surrounded by skinny people. I immediately text message my best bud Ernest:

Im at the mtg. Theres a bunch of skinny heffas here. One of them betta strt talkng bout how they used to be 300 pounds and ww helped them else im out!

To which he texts back:

Plz give them a chance.  N didnt u pay for the month already?

He’s right and Far From Heaven comes on again later in the day, so I decide to sit and see what they have to say.

Which in my opinion, is not much. This one lady pretty much takes over the meeting yakking about what healthy crap you can buy at Publix across the street. The group leader is a man with a British accent. He talks about journaling what you eat, down to the last bite, lick, and taste. I admit that I do have that bad habit of sampling the food while I’m cooking and then eating once it’s done. Against my better judgment I volunteer to journal my food intake for the week but Old Chap decides that I could do it next week since I’m new and gives the journal to Pushy Publix Lady.

The meeting ends and all the skinny people leave and Old Chap wants to see the newbies. Guess what? There’s some Fat People! Me and like 3 other ladies and a man who is not really fat at all. Old Chap tells us his WW story and shows us a before picture when he weighed 300 pounds. He looked like Grissom from CSI. Now he weighs just under 200 and now he works for WW leading groups and running the office.

I feel a little bit better. After orientation I purchase measuring spoons, a food scale, and the new issue of Weight Watchers Monthly. I consider it an investment.

Then I go to Publix and buy some of those healthy things that Pushy Publix Lady raved about in the meeting. It actually tastes good.

Toodles!

Advertisement